What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 02:06
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
What are the withdrawal symptoms of Klonopin 1mg?
He resisted the act ,that day.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I could never make a relationship work though!
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What are some ways to improve speed in sprinting, running uphill, and long/middle distance running?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were not on the streets..
Why do guys have better skin than women even though women use more product?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was scared of men, in general
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I said to her
What transforms the philosophical intellect?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was 9 years of age.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why do you think Islam oppresses women when Christianity clearly does it more?
My family never makes their pension either.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
What was the hottest inappropriate sex you ever had?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
What was your most embarrassing wardrobe malfunction in public?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I don,t even have a pension.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So, i spoilt her more .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She married twice! .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She found it foreign!.
My life is so biszare .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Who then, do I blame.?
I never cut or harmed myself..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was seconnd youngest,
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And i lived it daily.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We all went to grammer schools
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Especially a lifetime of it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
It was going to be , some day.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She was in good health!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She loved him until the end.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was very sick at this time too.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Put me off passion for life!!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He knew the spot.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One cannot live in the past .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I waited trembling.
But, we were locked up after school.
I think the readers, may guess!
As i do to all so called friends.?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So whats the point in blame.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Ive learnt so much.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Would this be the day?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
When she asked me how she looked .
Comes on , in middle age.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But it wasn’t much.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
What did i know ?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I will be 64.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I write beautiful poetry .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im still living with it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I have no regrets .
This is soul school!.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
All the time i was locked up.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,